Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I was scared, but it's okay now

Part of my job is warning employees of the dangers of social engineering, phishing and the like. I'm fairly clued up on all the things to watch out for when using the internet. About a month ago, a fellow blogger, someone who's been reading me since I started blogging, mailed me and asked me for my home address. He said he wanted to send me a Christmas card. Ahhh, isn't that nice? I obliged, in spite of my instincts and training (not to mention basic cop-on) telling me to be careful. I had some semblance of trust in the guy, after all, even if it was only because we commented on each other's blags.

I logged on the weekend before last to find his blog had been deleted. Curious, but not unusual. What's more unusual is his entire Flikr membership had also been deleted. And what's downright disturbing is that his website, his main means of advertising his business, had also disappeared.

I told Linzi that night. She flipped. Went mental (with good reason, though I was trying my best to convince her otherwise) and starting getting genuinely worried that someone had stolen my identity. That's probably the least the guy's done! she shrieks. She's so beautiful when she shrieks, I tell her. Jesus, Kav, shut up! He's probably planning a bizarre ritual murder of you, me and the kids culminating in his own razor-assisted suicide! You can't trust anyone these days, you know!

Ah, wise words indeed.

Cut to last week. Devin very kindly told me she'd send me over a Red Hot Chili Peppers album that I haven't got. All the way from Amerikay, no less. I was in a quandary. Jaysis, I said to myself, I really want that CD, but Linzi went mad altogether the last time I gave my address out. What should I do?

After considering my options for one to three minutes, I responded to Devin's email with my address and a thankee kindly. Whistling with delight at this whole making blogging friends madness, and touched by the generosity of a virtual stranger, I swaggered down the stairs into the living room, looking awful pleased with myself.

"What are you looking so pleased with yourself about?" Linzi asks.


"Tell me. You're up to something."

"Okay. Now, don't roll your eyes and gasp with horror and frustration at my apparent foolishness, but one of the people I know through t'blog is sending me the new Chili Peppers album! Yay!"

She rolls her eyes and gasps with horror and frustration at my apparent foolishness. I wait for the "fool me once, shame on you, blah blah fuck off you bastard" cliché, but it doesn't happen.

"Who is it that's sending it?"



"Yeah, Devin. She's sound, like. Spot on."

"Right. And that's all you know about her, that she's sound?"

"Nah, I also know that she's a transsexual Irish-American, in the process of transitioning from lad to lassie. I've got to know her over the last few months, like."

Linzi's mouth hangs agape.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Do you not remember what happened the last time you gave your address out?!"

"Oh that! Ah, did I forget to tell you? I emailed yer man, and it turns out he's setting up a new blog and archive as part of his main website - hence the deleted blog and Flikr account!"

"I thought you said his site was taken down as well?"

"Nah, see, the site just happened to be down for maintenance when I logged on. I checked it again after I mailed him and it was grand. Relief, eh?"



"Why didn't you tell me this already?"

"Dunno, forgot. Fuck, you weren't still worrying about it, were you?"

The rest of this post had to be censored due to the extreme graphic nature of the violence unleashed on me.

Moral of the story is: trust everyone you meet on the internet. They're all sound.


AMS blathered this crap:

don't worry Kav - I've already tracked you down. Your ahem present, should be with you any day now.

Kim Ayres blathered this crap:

For a while there you had me worried about sending you my credit card details...

jali blathered this crap:

Oh! (smacks head)

Was I supposed to send you my credit card info?

Damn - I forgot and now I've lost it - sigh.

Pinkie blathered this crap:

I met a guy I knew from the net once before... he was a right feckin' weirdo... We're engaged now.

No, seriously. I met my fiance online. Can't be ALL bad right?

((ps: I know I have these weird tendencies and all but I am honestly not implying that I am engaged to you Kav, without your say so - I really did meet my fiance online :D ))

Devin blathered this crap:

I think I've broken my spleen I've been laughing so hard.Just imagining that conversation has me in stitches.
Just out of curiousity does anyone use General Delivery/Poste Restante anymore? I was thinking of renting a p.o. box for online stuff but a lot of places won't deliver to them.It's bollocks.

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

Lies. That time I cornered Linzi in Asda, hit her over the head with the frozen whiting and made her come for a coffee with me, we BOTH agreed that people on t'internet are bonkers.

Celia blathered this crap:

Except me. I'm a serial killer.

Marika blathered this crap:

Phishing? Man, I don't know where you crazy kids come up with these ideas.

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

Teabagging is better.

Sassy Sundry blathered this crap:

You know, I was in DC last month, and had I had a few moments, I would have taken Devin up on her offer to meet up. She seems legit to me.

Anonymous blathered this crap:

Er, interested in buying some primo oceanfront property in northern Saskatchewan...?


Cindy blathered this crap:

I got a PO box for blogger exchanges. A select few have my home address, and damn if I can't get them to leave.

Summer blathered this crap:

I shared info with you. I would send you my home address. Heck, I even roped you into sending me things...which, we will so someday. So, I trust you. Not too many other people though.

Conan Drumm blathered this crap:

Hi Kav,

Are you in the front room, upstairs?

Ok, go to the window... pull back the curtain...

Yoo hoo, that's me waving from the white transit van!

Go on, shout down to Linzi to oipen the front door... there's a friend from Ireland outside...

Go on, you know you want to... I'm very nice, realllly....

Devin blathered this crap:

Will you ever move that Transit? I'm right behind you and Kav's CD won't deliver itself.
Shout up to Linzi to put the kettle on.I brought an apple tart.

Kav blathered this crap:

ams: Cheers. Will I need to wear a protective mask when I open the envelope?

kim: Don't be daft, those eastern European refugees are decent guys.

jali: I'll be expecting it asap.

pinkie: I know a couple who met online, so I don't think it's weird. However, this is the first confirmation you've given me that you're a girl, so I'm a tad relieved.

devin: Does me saying I haven't a fucking clue what you're on about help? No? Sorry.

sweary: So that was you? Linzi was going on about how attractive she found you and how she'd love to lez it up with you and make a video for me. Interested?

plimco: Yeah, but a nice one.

marika: Tis sheer lunacy, no doubt.

sassy: Me too, fo sho.

whyioughtta: Where do I sign?

cindy: That's the problem, you'll be like a crowd of tinkers.

summer: Yes, we still need to sort out that jazz.

devin: I'm getting all excited. That's gonna be my best Christmas present.

Kav blathered this crap:

conan: Tis you ya fecker! Go on outta here and come back when you have the right parts for the boiler.

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

Only if she wears the nipple tassels; I don't like them much but they cost a fucking fortune.