Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tales from the Boredroom

At work, I'm often described as innovative. People are impressed because I "challenge the status quo". In other words, I question things I think are bullshit, or done inefficiently. I come up with ideas to make our jobs easier and I follow them through to make sure they get done. Following things through is important, because coming up with ideas is just mental masturbation; anyone can toss out a load of verbal spunk and then sit back and say job done. Following your idea through is what changes the idea from a pile of spunk with potential into something tangible and worthwhile.

Here's a secret: I'm not innovative. A lazy fucker i
s what I am. What's seen as innovation is actually me trying to find an easier way of doing things so that I end up having less work to do. Almost every idea I come up with is inspired by this pursuit of laziness.

Paradoxically, I work hard to achieve this goal, which is why it appears to my peers and superiors that I am a real go-getter.

Go-getter. Go and fuck off, you tosser.

In fact, scratch all that. I'm not a lazy person. I just get bored very easily. Not to the point where I worry I might have ADD, but my interest has never been held in any job for longer than about 18 months. I like to move on, try something new. If I
stay where I am (which usually happens - after 18 months I get bored and it takes me another two, three years to do something about it) I stagnate and become bitter, like the rest of the "this-is-how-we've-always-done-it" cunts with 20-year services. By the time I've become an expert in an area, I'm already sick of it. That might change when I find something I'm really passionate about, but right now, the thought of staying in one field for my entire life is anathema to me.

So far, my career has gone like this:

Degree in microbiology
which led to
A technician's job making catheters for angioplasty
which led to
An auditor's job in a pharmaceutical research company
which led to
An IT controls expert job in the utilities industry
which leads me to...where?

What a disjointed, disparate, disconnected mess.

Right now, there is absolutely no challenge for me in my work. I'm sitting an exam in December in the hope of getting a recognised
qualification in the industry, but even then, I'm not sure this is what I want to do. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had, and I've been lucky enough to always move upwards, not just sideways or back, as my career progresses. And time is on my side. I have no reason to complain.

Still, I just can't stop this nagging feeling.

I'll tell you who really impress me: people who know exactly what they want out of life and their careers. What awful, despicable cunts. How can they be so self-assured? They must have been raised by parents who believed in instilling self-confidence or something. Fucking hell, I second-guess myself at every opportunity.

Halfway through a haircut:

"Ah, sorry, I've changed my mind. I'll leave it long."
"But it's already half-cut-"
"No, no, it's grand. I'll just leave it as it is. What do I owe you?"

What was I saying? Oh yeah. I've told my management how I feel, so it's not going to come as a surprise to them. They're looking into what they can get me to do next year to maintain my interest. They're a good company to work for. Big, too. Lo
ts of room to move internally.

Moral of this is: watch out for the so-called innovative fuckers that you work with. All they're trying to do is make their lives easier, when everyone knows life should be difficult, filled with painful lessons learned too late to be put to any practical use, and then you die.

EDIT: I don't usually link to videos and such, but this is one of the funniest things I have seen for a long long time. Seriously...if you're having a bad day, click and roll around laughing. I don't know if the lads are for real or not, but it doesn't matter.

I got a haircut today. I feel half a lad


Fat Sparrow blathered this crap:

At least you did something with your degree. I know far too many people with advanced degrees (we're talking Master's and Doctorates) who end up delivering pizza. I have two friends I grew up with who took advanced degrees in Speech Therapy and Psychology. One now owns a dog grooming business, and the other is a hairdresser, who is also a sponsored professional women's water skier. They could have done either of those without having gone to college, obviously.

Conan Drumm blathered this crap:

Hmm, I have taught post grad types (humanities) who are no way as literate as you, K. They can hardly string a sentence together. You've an inventive head, I imagine, hence the boredom. Keep the day job for now and work away at the writing, or if that's not your bag maybe work for yourself...

Kav blathered this crap:

fat sparrow: I know one or two people in the same boat. It's odd, because most companies just want a degree, any degree, not necessarily a specialism. Maybe it's because they've specialised so much that they have trouble getting work in their chosen fields?

conan: Thank you. Sincerely. Linzi is continually on at me to hone my writing and blah blah, and to be honest I'd love to, but I lack the motivation. It's why blogging is ideal for me - I can change subjects, characters, etc as often as I like. The longest thing I've ever written is only about 70 pages - I have not got the stamina for a novel, much as I'd like to.

I'm going to stop moaning about this now though, because there are better bloggers out there with the same aspirations who make my own null and void.

AMS blathered this crap:

I know where you're coming from. Spent four shitey years doing a multimedia degree (even though my parents begged me not to) cos it was like you know different. Im currently training to be an accountant. If I had started this when I was 18 I might actually be earning more money than the average big issue seller at the moment but no. Feck it though, the best education is life.

Howard blathered this crap:

What you do is score some crack and smoke it. If you can suddenly only focus on one thing and are feeling relaxed, then you have ADD.

...or see a doctor.

Good luck on your job search. Oh, you haven't started yet? I wish I hadn't sent that email to your supervisor now. Oops.

kalise25ie blathered this crap:

1. I feel your pain - I'm in a really limited industry and have changed jobs roughly every 18 months too. I just get bored, I suppose, and by changing location I get a sense that even though it's the same tasks, it's a fresh start and make a bit of an effort to really try hard again at a job that numbs my brain! Still, it pays quite well (probably what kept me in it in the first place), and I have had a year off now....so when I return to it in November I should have a renewed zeal for it all. Hopefully.

2. The self-doubt thing is genetic to the Irish people (particularly the further west you get, so it's not your fault really)! I'm Longford/Roscommon border, so I'm incredibly self loathing unless someone dares criticise me, in which case I am God's. Gift. On. This. Earth. Right?

Sorry, too many glasses of West Australian shiraz going down here tonight (see what being nice to me did - I'm just typing a load of auld sh*te now! I used to be afraid to do this for fear of mass ridicule...)

I'm done now.

DrM2B blathered this crap:

ok;.....those dudes are idiots...but damn funny! I needed that laugh....tanx an ocelot.

so....are you trying to tell me Im wasting my time?.....I wish U wouldve clued me in before I spent 52K (so far)....on my PhD....

Conan Drumm blathered this crap:

K, 70 pages is only about 20 pages short of a screen play, which has a lot less writing on each page! Go for it if you can do it and not care too much if it pans out or not.

ps Can't believe this.. the word verification is phd mnyqz (I added the space)

Marika blathered this crap:

I know exactly how you feel...how are there people out there who decided on their career path at age 8 and have just 'always known' where they're going, and what they're doing? They have 5 year plans, 10 year plans, 20 year plans. I comfort myself by imagining them dying alone.

There's nothing wrong with a little variety in your career path. I've done two degrees and am not doing anythine even vaguely related to either of them. The way I look at it, each time you try something new, you can add one more thing to the List Of Things I Don't Want To Do For The Rest Of My Life. I figure that eventually there will be a hit in there.

I wish you luck!

dragonfly blathered this crap:

People who have it all figured out are zombies. Flesh eating zombies. Give me someone as confused about things as i am any day!!

Oh yeah...my site is locked down at the moment. It got a whee bit personal and i'm not sure if i'm comfy sharing it anymore. if you ask nice...i might let you in. from what i've read you seem cool.

Kav blathered this crap:

ams: ah, wise words...I have no doubt you'll be raking it in in a couple of years. Don't worry, I'll be first knocking on your door looking for a handout.

howard: Unfortunately, due to...responsibilities, I no longer partake of any illicit substances whatsoever. I gave up crack last month - having two kids and trying to maintain a habit was just getting too much for me.

kalise25ie: Good luck, hope it works out for you when you go back to it. One thing we regret is not taking a year out to see the world, so we're kinda doing it backwards. I'm only going to be 45 when the kids are both fully grown up, so we plan on doing it then! Hopefully by then we can do it and not have to worry about affording our next meal or drink, etc.

Never thought like that about self-doubt - does that mean I'm fucked, being from Galway? It could only be worse if I was from Clifden, or Achill or something.

drm: Long time no see! Yeah, those guys crack me up every time. I've watched that video about 15 times alread and still snicker at nunchucks man.

conan: I've just reread A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Eggers wrote that when he was 28. The way he writes is amazing, rollercoaster-like. I've still got time...

marika: Cheers, that's a good outlook to have - I ought to start thinking that way, rather than worrying that I have no idea what I'm up to.

dragonfly: No problem. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much personal crap on here (I've had a friend say some of the things he's read have made him think "Fucking hell Kav!"), so I understand where you're coming from. If you want me to read, feel free to mail me your details, but I won't pressure you or anything.

Old Knudsen blathered this crap:

I went to the school of hard knocks, but that burned down and I ended up in Hogwarts, where I got a PHD in fibbing and turning invisable, your mind is just too active, the world isn't entertaining enough, nevermind ADD or ABBA there is no cure for genius.

Kav blathered this crap:

oh, and drm: I'm sure you're not wasting your time. I'm just jealous at your certainty and conviction!

Kav blathered this crap:

old knudsen: Deep down, you're a kind old fucker, arent you?

freshairlover blathered this crap:

That video is hysterical. Seriously.

Good haircut.

Eh work. I called in sick today. I'm tired of work.

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

That link in the 1st half of your post leads to nowhere. Expert, my arse.

I too am feeling very flighty currently. I know what I want but I'm too arse-about-face to go and get it... Can't sit still and all that.

Great boyband haircut, by the way. You could marry an Ahern with that mop. Not that you'd want to, not being lobotomised.


Kav blathered this crap:

debbie: I love it. I watch it again and again. It cracks me up.

TSL: Your new avatar rocks socks and jocks. I tell you, I could murder a pint or five right now.

Boyband me hole. It cost me £5.60, there's no styling involved whatsoever, apart from me saying "number 2 on the back and sides and chop it short on top".

Feck, I'm protesting too much, amen't I?