I can't concentrate. I've never been great at studying; I tend to do all the wrong things but somehow still end up doing okay in exams. Now, though....Christ. It's been six long years since I had to apply myself like this, and I'm like a five-year-old Japanese cartoon character who's been snorting coke while touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I can't focus on anything for more than ten seconds.
I have raised with Linzi the possibility of a sex-based reward system, in the hope that looking forward to a swift blowjob or something of that ilk will help me apply myself in a far more direct way than the esoteric and aesthetic reward of career progression ever could. My plan is, for each evening of study I do, I get a blowjob, but for some reason she disagrees with this. I can't think why; to me it's a win-win situation: I study and learn what I need to learn, and get a delightful reward for doing this, thereby boosting my morale and making me want to study more. Linzi, for her part, is filled with a sense of empowerment knowing that she is helping me to work hard and move on in my career, ultimately becoming a better provider for our family. Plus, she gets to have a taste of my lad.
There are no losers in this scenario.
Did you hear that Bono fell off the stage the other night?
He got too close to The Edge.
Did you hear about the lad who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled in by a strong currant.