Sunday, October 22, 2006

Being back at school sucks

I can't concentrate. I've never been great at studying; I tend to do all the wrong things but somehow still end up doing okay in exams. Now, though....Christ. It's been six long years since I had to apply myself like this, and I'm like a five-year-old Japanese cartoon character who's been snorting coke while touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I can't focus on anything for more than ten seconds.

I have raised with Linzi the possibility of a sex-based reward system, in the hope that looking forward to a swift blowjob or something of that ilk will help me apply myself in a far more direct way than the esoteric and aesthetic reward of career progression ever could. My plan is, for each evening of study I do, I get a blowjob, but for some reason she disagrees with this. I can't think why; to me it's a win-win situation: I study and learn what I need to learn, and get a delightful reward for doing this, thereby boosting my morale and making me want to study more. Linzi, for her part, is filled with a sense of empowerment knowing that she is helping me to work hard and move on in my career, ultimately becoming a better provider for our family. Plus, she gets to have a taste of my lad.

There are no losers in this scenario.


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Did you hear that Bono fell off the stage the other night?

He got too close to The Edge.

~

Did you hear about the lad who drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was pulled in by a strong currant.

13 Comments:

Tom Gaylord blathered this crap:

men who try to trick their wives into sex acts are a hoot!

why don't you offer reciprocity - You get your blowjob and she gets her own sex favour in return?

Kav blathered this crap:

There's no trickery about it Tom. I'm being straight up with her on this occasion. This is a serious issue you know.

And reciprocity...come on. I ask for ten or fifteen minutes of oral love and in return she'll want an hour-long massage or something. Not exactly fair, is it?



Disclaimer: Please note that this comment was written with tongue firmly in cheek.

Fat Sparrow blathered this crap:

"I'm like a five-year-old Japanese cartoon character who's been snorting coke while touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory."

That was ever so descriptive. You are my writing hero.

Sherri blathered this crap:

Good luck with that :)

Old Knudsen blathered this crap:

I can't figure weemen out either maybe shes turning into a leezer, start doing some oiled up sexy dancing wearing nothing but a banana hammock and a dicky bow, they love that stuff.

Desirea Madison blathered this crap:

I know what you're talking about. Going back to school is tough. I woke up at 11am with the intention of doing my history homework. It is now 9pm and I'm reading your blog. I might be up all night. There is nothing more motivating than the last minute.

fyrchk blathered this crap:

I see how your logic is a win-win for you...but Linzi is going to need instant gratification also. What else can you do for HER?

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

Work "hard", you say?

AMS blathered this crap:

You should write a seven step book for study success. I can see sales going through the roof on this one.

Conan Drumm blathered this crap:

Did the missus not sign up for legalised sex-slavery the instant she said 'I do'?

It's terrible the way they forget that bit... all of a sudden the oral favours and labial ministrations are part of some bigger 'deal' that includes washing up, nappy changing, or grocery shopping, all formerly female territory. 'O tempora, o mores1' and all that Latin jazz...

Old Knudsen blathered this crap:

Don't worry Kav, I'll be your study buddy.

Steph blathered this crap:

Win/win you say?
LOLZ.

Kav blathered this crap:

fat sparrow: Cheers.

sherri: Good to see you around again.

old knudsen: the last time I tried that I nearly killed myself. They ought to put on the bottle that you don't need to oil your hands.

desirea: I'm definitely a last-minute kind of guy when it comes to studying. I make myself angry for it but I've yet to find a better way to make me concentrate.

fyrchk: The way i see it, Linzi gets the long-term satisfaction of helping me progress in my career. Thing is, she's not exactly happy about that as her reward either. Feckin women...so demanding.

TSL: Yes, work hard...that's why I need satisfaction afterwards...

Anne-Marie: You may be right. All I need are six more steps...I can't get my mind past the BJ step at this point.

Conan: Aye, conditional sex is the curse of marriage. They know they have us and there's nowt we can do about it.

Old Knudsen: High five, good buddy.

steph: You know it's true. Women love giving BJ's, right?