Sunday, October 22, 2006

Being back at school sucks

I can't concentrate. I've never been great at studying; I tend to do all the wrong things but somehow still end up doing okay in exams. Now, though....Christ. It's been six long years since I had to apply myself like this, and I'm like a five-year-old Japanese cartoon character who's been snorting coke while touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I can't focus on anything for more than ten seconds.

I have raised with Linzi the possibility of a sex-based reward system, in the hope that looking forward to a swift blowjob or something of that ilk will help me apply myself in a far more direct way than the esoteric and aesthetic reward of career progression ever could. My plan is, for each evening of study I do, I get a blowjob, but for some reason she disagrees with this. I can't think why; to me it's a win-win situation: I study and learn what I need to learn, and get a delightful reward for doing this, thereby boosting my morale and making me want to study more. Linzi, for her part, is filled with a sense of empowerment knowing that she is helping me to work hard and move on in my career, ultimately becoming a better provider for our family. Plus, she gets to have a taste of my lad.

There are no losers in this scenario.


Did you hear that Bono fell off the stage the other night?

He got too close to The Edge.


Did you hear about the lad who drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was pulled in by a strong currant.


Tom Gaylord blathered this crap:

men who try to trick their wives into sex acts are a hoot!

why don't you offer reciprocity - You get your blowjob and she gets her own sex favour in return?

Kav blathered this crap:

There's no trickery about it Tom. I'm being straight up with her on this occasion. This is a serious issue you know.

And reciprocity...come on. I ask for ten or fifteen minutes of oral love and in return she'll want an hour-long massage or something. Not exactly fair, is it?

Disclaimer: Please note that this comment was written with tongue firmly in cheek.

Fat Sparrow blathered this crap:

"I'm like a five-year-old Japanese cartoon character who's been snorting coke while touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory."

That was ever so descriptive. You are my writing hero.

Sherri blathered this crap:

Good luck with that :)

Old Knudsen blathered this crap:

I can't figure weemen out either maybe shes turning into a leezer, start doing some oiled up sexy dancing wearing nothing but a banana hammock and a dicky bow, they love that stuff.

Desirea Madison blathered this crap:

I know what you're talking about. Going back to school is tough. I woke up at 11am with the intention of doing my history homework. It is now 9pm and I'm reading your blog. I might be up all night. There is nothing more motivating than the last minute.

fyrchk blathered this crap:

I see how your logic is a win-win for you...but Linzi is going to need instant gratification also. What else can you do for HER?

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

Work "hard", you say?

AMS blathered this crap:

You should write a seven step book for study success. I can see sales going through the roof on this one.

Conan Drumm blathered this crap:

Did the missus not sign up for legalised sex-slavery the instant she said 'I do'?

It's terrible the way they forget that bit... all of a sudden the oral favours and labial ministrations are part of some bigger 'deal' that includes washing up, nappy changing, or grocery shopping, all formerly female territory. 'O tempora, o mores1' and all that Latin jazz...

Old Knudsen blathered this crap:

Don't worry Kav, I'll be your study buddy.

Steph blathered this crap:

Win/win you say?

Kav blathered this crap:

fat sparrow: Cheers.

sherri: Good to see you around again.

old knudsen: the last time I tried that I nearly killed myself. They ought to put on the bottle that you don't need to oil your hands.

desirea: I'm definitely a last-minute kind of guy when it comes to studying. I make myself angry for it but I've yet to find a better way to make me concentrate.

fyrchk: The way i see it, Linzi gets the long-term satisfaction of helping me progress in my career. Thing is, she's not exactly happy about that as her reward either. Feckin demanding.

TSL: Yes, work hard...that's why I need satisfaction afterwards...

Anne-Marie: You may be right. All I need are six more steps...I can't get my mind past the BJ step at this point.

Conan: Aye, conditional sex is the curse of marriage. They know they have us and there's nowt we can do about it.

Old Knudsen: High five, good buddy.

steph: You know it's true. Women love giving BJ's, right?