A conversation with Erin in Boots. These conversations always seem to happen in Boots. This one was in the checkout queue.
This happened because the other day, while changing Jack's nappy, Erin came over, and before I could stop her, she'd jabbed his little lad fairly hard a few times.
"What's that?" she asked.
"That's Jack's willy, sweetie" Linzi explained.
I had to reprimand Erin for what amounted to assault, even if it was unintentional, but Linzi only laughed.
"Don't touch Jack's willy, Erin." I admonished.
Women just don't understand the pain of having your balls walloped. Just because they haven't dropped yet doesn't mean the poor fella wouldn't be hurt.
After seeing the impact of her actions, willies are now a hot topic of discussion with Erin. Hence, this exchange in Boots:
"Mummy and Daddy have willies."
"No darling, only Daddy has a willy. And Jack."
"Jack has a willy. Mummy doesn't have a willy."
"That's right, my girl."
"Want to see Jack's willy."
"Not just now, sweetheart."
"NOT TO TOUCH JACK'S WILLY! DON'T TOUCH IT!"
"Shhh....ok, don't be shouting."
"NO! NO! NOT TO TOUCH JACK'S WILLY!"
For fuck sake. Get me out of here.
In other sickness, recent Google searches found my blog using the following keywords:
- raped by a dog
- shitting outdoors
- dog boner
- ruining my life
I'm not sure what's more disturbing: that people are searching for this shit, or that I have written about it.
I also have a stalker on Yahoo, who finds me by entering "kavanf1 blog", but never comments. Are you wealthy, Yahoo-user? A hundred grand would sort me out nicely. Not enough to stop working, but it would loosen the mortgage noose. Go on. You might as well.