Friday, September 29, 2006

Willies

A conversation with Erin in Boots. These conversations always seem to happen in Boots. This one was in the checkout queue.

This happened because the other day, while changing Jack's nappy, Erin came over, and before I could stop her, she'd jabbed his little lad fairly hard a few times.

"What's that?" she asked.


"That's Jack's willy, sweetie" Linzi explained.

I had to reprimand Erin for what amounted to assault, even if it was unintentional, but Linzi only laughed.


"Don't touch Jack's willy, Erin." I admonished.


Women just don't understand the pain of having your balls walloped. Just because they haven't dropped yet doesn't mean the poor fella wouldn't be hurt.

After seeing the impact of her actions, willies are now a hot topic of discussion with Erin. Hence, this exchange in Boots:

"Mummy and Daddy have willies."

"No darling, only Daddy has a willy. And Jack."

"Jack has a willy. Mummy doesn't have a willy."

"That's right, my girl."

"Want to see Jack's willy."

"Not just now, sweetheart."

"NOT TO TOUCH JACK'S WILLY! DON'T TOUCH IT!"

"Shhh....ok, don't be shouting."


"NO! NO! NOT TO TOUCH JACK'S WILLY!"



For fuck sake. Get me out of here.


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In other sickness, recent Google searches found my blog using the following keywords:

  1. raped by a dog
  2. shitting outdoors
  3. dog boner
  4. ruining my life

I'm not sure what's more disturbing: that people are searching for this shit, or that I have written about it.


I also have a stalker on Yahoo, who finds me by entering "kavanf1 blog", but never comments. Are you wealthy, Yahoo-user? A hundred grand would sort me out nicely. Not enough to stop working, but it would loosen the mortgage noose. Go on. You might as well.

13 Comments:

Kieran blathered this crap:

Excellent stuff from Erin. Can I assume she's yer young un, rather than your wife.

Kav blathered this crap:

Spot on Kieran. She's 2 next month.

jali blathered this crap:

"Not to touch Jack's willy!"
I'll be saying that all day, I promise. People will wonder, but I'll just smile mysteriously.

This post will be a great gift for Erin years from now.

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

Why is Erin trying to get Daddy arrested?

Summer blathered this crap:

Bahahaha! Erin cracks me up. I love when kids say stuff like that. At least she didn't shout, 'Daddy and Jack both have wee willies!'

Michael blathered this crap:

Yep write that one down for her 21st. Though keep the blog a secret.. what do children do when they discover their parents are foul-mouthed scat obsessed bloggers? I hate to think what mid 21st century revenge will be like!

Laurie blathered this crap:

"Shitting Outdoors" was me.

My bad.

hotdrwife blathered this crap:

I keep getting hits for "How do I castrate my husband" from someone in Norway.

Um, watch out men in Norway. Your WILLIES are on the line.

Desirae Madison blathered this crap:

How do you find out who is searching for your site? Is there some secret side to Yahoo that allows you to track anonymous visits to your site?

Kav blathered this crap:

Desirae: Scroll down to the "I'm Watching You Bastids" section of my sidebar. See the SiteMeter link? Head there and set up an account. Put the code for the account on your blog and you're sorted.

duckie blathered this crap:

that was me with the dog boner

Marika blathered this crap:

For a moment there I thought it was Erin-in-Boots, like Puss-in-Boots.

My 5 year old niece is still convinced she has boy bits. No matter how many times we explain it to her, she will just look at you with an expression that screams "Are you INSANE? If COURSE I have them!" We were kind of hoping she'd have grown out of it by now.

Kav blathered this crap:

marika: Welcome. That's hilarious...for now. Here's hoping she figures it out soon though!