Tuesday, September 26, 2006

SEX SEX AND MORE SEX.

You ladies are obsessed with sex. Having been raised Catholic, I find this absolutely disgusting. Honestly, every female's comment on my 30th birthday for Linzi post was something to do with sex.
Here they are in their entirety:

Jali: "Do you need a grouchy chick on the side?"

What kind of filthy talk is this? When I read this, my cheeks burned like the lakes of fire that sinners such as yourself shall be cast into on the day of judgement. On the side, indeed! Thou shalt be on the side of Lucifer himself when the day of reckoning arrives!

freshairlover: "Hope you get some, after you give some of course."

In the name of all that is good and holy, by "some", I hope you're talking about the fellowship of the lord and nothing else. The unspeakable insinuations in this comment illustrate exactly the kind of young hussy that good, God-fearing men such as myself must avoid for fear of corruption and the shame of sexual vice.

The Swearing Lady: "I hope she gives you the lovin' of a lifetime."

My heart nearly stopped when I read this. From an Irish girl, no less. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Can a man not do something nice for his (celibate) wife without these sort of recriminations rearing their ugly heads? I've asked the lord to spare you as I have no doubt you were out of your mind on drink when you wrote that comment. It's the only plausible explanation.

summer: "I hope ya get some"

Another comment hoping that I get "some"...what sort of rude, malignant mind bestows this sort of crudity upon their fellow man? I know, sure as jeebus sits at our lord's right hand, that you were talking about rotten, disgraceful, atrocious SEX, and nothing less. A woman of your dubious character would no doubt lead a lesser man down the path of corruption and sleaze; were it not for my own peerless character and fortitude of will in the face of the devil's imagery being bandied about these days, I would no doubt be one of the many lost to you.

hotdrwife: "Hope you get some action, Jackson!"

The only action I get is wielding the sword of justice and truth against heathenish and corrupt evildoers. I trust that you, as attached as you are to the evil of modern medical science, will one day meet with the sharp end of my sword as my (celibate) wife and I clear the way for the return of the one true lord.

Don't any of you realise that sex is a filthy dirty habit practised by heathens who'll burn in the fiery infernos of hell for eternity, while I float on a fluffy white cloud above, plucking my harp and smiling benevolently at my fellow celibate angels?

And while we're on the subject, I hereby deny that this used to be my profile picture:



This foul and disgusting avatar was no doubt dreamt up by some lackadaisical office worker caught up in the throes of his own laziness and sloth. His day will come!


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A gentleman never tells, don't you know. All I'll say is I had a very good weekend. And you?


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Michael, summer, drm2b: Sorry for deleting that post, but I read over it when I was less sleep-deprived, and I felt like it came across as overly negative and depressed-sounding, when in fact my mood over the weekend was generally buoyant and happy. I just happened to post at 4.30 in the morning when I was feeling particularly low after having spent half the night up with Jack.

Disclaimer: This is not a religious post.

EDIT: Since I'm not one of those popular types who has hundreds of people guessing and that, I've filled in the answers to name that movie. Highlight under each quote to see the film name, then go ahead and kick yourself when you realise you should've known it.

17 Comments:

The Swearing Lady blathered this crap:

I like sex.


SHIT! I mean, I like Rex. As you know, every dog in Galway is called Rex, and it is indeed a lovely doggy position. Fuck! Name! DOG NAME!



PS: How was the ride?

Kav blathered this crap:

Oh, you do make me laugh out loud, Swearing Lady.

The ride? Put it this way: I only had two hours sleep last night. And this time, I couldn't even blame Jack.

Anne-Marie blathered this crap:

so you didnt manage to tear yourself away from the playstation then!

Kav blathered this crap:

anne-marie: Cheeky cheeky. Yeah, I've been playing Resident Evil 4 all weekend...

Kav blathered this crap:

anne-marie: What manner of craziness is this? Your profile links to nothing! Are you some manner of ghosht?

Summer blathered this crap:

I stand by any filthy things that come out of my mouth.

I look forward to being 'persecuted' for my love of sex...over & over, in every way, in & out, longer, harder, faster, deeper OH GOD! *done*

What were we talking about again?

Laurie blathered this crap:

So....did she do the Polynesian Dismount?

Did you get to smack dat ass???

Did she high five you afterwards, like I do Mr. Man???

Tom Gaylord blathered this crap:

lol you're a loon

duckie blathered this crap:

I hope you and the wife had a lovely weekend together and were able to be intimate. I also hope you took the skin boat to tuna town.

Kav blathered this crap:

summer: That was extremely provocative. I can't concentrate on my work now. Thanks for that.
:-)

laurie: We tried to do the Mongolian Clusterfuck but we didn't have enough people. You need at least 5 for ti to be any good. High fiving eh? No, I usually challenge Linzi to a dance-off to see who gets to sleep in the wet patch.

tom: Welcome to my blah. I'm kind of a loon, but in the best possible way, you'll find.

duckie: LMAO. Your wishes came true.

jali blathered this crap:

So...

...does that mean YES!

fyrchk blathered this crap:

I'm going to come visit you and you shall introduce me to cute boys with an accent that makes my clothes fall off.

Please and thank you.

Kav blathered this crap:

jali: You're too much woman for me...I couldn't possibly handle you. ;-)

fyrchk: There's some truth to the phrase "He charmed the pants off her". I'm a charmless bastard but foreign females seem to love an Irish accent.

duckie blathered this crap:

nice

fyrchk blathered this crap:

Kav:

All well and good. Are you finding one for me or not? You, my friend, are obviously taken.

Kav blathered this crap:

duckie: Stop staring at my tits.

fyrchk: Tell you what, you come on over, I'm sure one or two of my mates will be happy to make your pants drop using only the power of speech. ;-)

AMS blathered this crap:

sorry this is anne-marie and my proper profile non-ghosty link!