Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Baby number two is on its way...

Before Erin was born we both thought we would have at least three, maybe even four, with the imminent arrival of number two, this seems less likely.

I think deciding to have another must involve some sort of temporary amnesia - particularly on the mother's part; Linzi didn't even have time for pain relief when Erin was born, yet she's willing to go through it all again! - whereby the rose-tinted glasses are firmly in place and you forget about the sleepless nights, the poo, the vomit, the crankiness...and that's just me. All this plus a baby to look after....who'd be a parent?

Of course, the good stuff outweighs any of those things, which is why we do have more. Erin is the most amazing thing I have ever done...sometimes I just look at her, brow furrowed in concentration as she looks at a book or plays with her Sticklebricks, her mischievious eyes dancing as she plays games with unknown (to me, at least) objectives, and my heart feels like it might burst. It is the purest, simplest love you can experience. How anyone could harm a child is beyond me.

I had a horrific dream last night, can't remember all the details, but it was set in a barn-like building with a tall ladder leading up to a loft space. The roof was old and broken, and sunlight speared through the holes and made a chessboard pattern on the wall. I climbed the ladder, with Erin ahead of me. At the top, I met either Lorna or Linzi, can't remember who. The dream kind of fractured then, as dreams do, and the next thing I know, I am busy doing something, and trusting Linzi/Lorna to look after Erin. High up on the edge of this loft room, I watch (think I am tying my shoelace) as Erin innocently crawls towards the edge of the dusty floor. My loft has no rail, no fence - why would anyone bring a baby up here?! Panic fills my belly, bile rising in my throat as I try to shout to Lorna/Linzi, catch her! please catch her! and I can do nothing but watch as she falls off the edge and plummets to the ground below.

I woke with a huge fright as soon as Erin started falling, relief pouring out of me like a long-held piss. 4.45am. Haven't had a dream that vivid for a long time. I don't put much stock in interpreting dreams, but it stayed with me even after I fell asleep again - and is still imprinted in my mind even now.


Anonymous blathered this crap:

hai kav
ur blog is superb & close to life !
ur never miss ur child's smile or ur love's kiss...
enjoy life the same !

Kav blathered this crap:

Thank you very much, anonymous!

*wonders who this is...*